René-Antoine Houasse, Apollo pursuing Daphne (detail), 1677
“…and I shall see you again and wrap my arms around you, like always, with all my soul, with all my heart.”— César Vallejo, from The Selected Writings; “Abraham Valdelomar Has Died,”
““Once upon a time,” he said out loud to the darkness. He said these words because they were the best, the most powerful words that he knew and just the saying of them comforted him.”— Kate DiCamillo
“Honey-bodied beautiful one, come forth from iron, red your heart is. Fragile-tender, fragile-tender life-body,”— D. H. Lawrence, from Selected Poems and Writings; “Almond Blossom,”
december has been long busy beautiful and solitary. a gentle coasting away from the storm of this year. im finding the groove in which i fit in my relationships. im finding myself again. im dedicated to myself again. i have moments of weakness but instead of dropping into a hole i zoom out on the camera and gain some perspective. tears come easily to me again. i spend my time with animals and babies and water. i feel my energy move all around me. i remember my breathing, i skate thru pain much more easily than before. i feel hopeful and ready for the next chapter in my life. ive been feeling good.
i hope my turbulent love is doing all right. i want to reach out again into the wind but i remember that my skin is still healing. and when its been a long while since ive cried over that ghost, then i can extend my hand. until then, im being patient with myself. zooming out. remembering who i am and what i need. remembering that i cant love someone out of their pain, remembering that i need as much infinity as i can give. the scales are out of balance any other way. i crave a boundless ever growing love. i wont accept anything else.
